Tom Shields

WITH so much graduate unemployment, it is reassuring to know there are jobs out there. Parents who funded the wean through a degree in archaeology will be relieved to know there is work to be had digging through 2000-year-old Roman excrement.

With luck, the archaeological endeavours might result in the publication of the Complete Dormouse Cookbook. I can see the wee fellows spatchcocked. Or on a kebab.Being Glaswegian, I will have my dormouse deep-fried. In healthy Italian olive oil, of course.A team from the British School at Rome, an archaeological institute, has been sifting through 800 sacks of compacted human waste. They say the cesspit "gives an unparalleled opportunity to analyse Roman diet and health".Asked what young Jimmy is doing after uni, a proud father can say the boy is down a dunny in Herculaneum. An ancient septic tank is revealing fascinating information about what the residents on the Bay of Naples had for their dinner a couple of millennia ago.The news is that the Romans ate dormice, sea urchins, figs, walnuts, eggs and olives. Except it's not news about the dormice. Details have been on Wikipedia for ages. And the sea urchin bit is hardly a secret. Even I have had the spiky little creature's bright- red ovaries on toast.The stuff about the dormouse diet qualifies as fascinating. The mice were kept in special pots to be fattened up.The Herculaneum archaeologists say the Romans used olive stones as fuel. This could be handy now Scottish Power has put the price of gas up 19%. On a cold winter's night you can say: "To hell with poverty. Throw another olive pip on the fire."

The Herculaneum archaeologists say the Romans used olive stones as fuel. This could be handy now Scottish Power has put the price of gas up 19%. On a cold winter's night you can say: "To hell with poverty. Throw another olive pip on the fire."